Counselling gives us new choices.

As we’re growing up, we quickly learn to adapt to the world (and the people) around us. 

We’re shaped by the way family members interact with us and with each other. By the neighbourhood we grow up in, our experience of school, and the examples and expectations of other people. 

As children, we use this information to work out which ‘role’ to play in life. The fixer, the carer, the performer, the hard worker, the peacemaker, the provider, among many others.

These roles help us get by in our early years, but they can require too much of us as adults. They can make it difficult for us to make decisions and create a life that’s truly ours. This struggle might crop up in different ways for you. 

Overthinking. 

Worrying. 

Replaying conversations or scenarios. 

Being the person that everyone else comes to when they’re struggling, but not finding it easy to open up yourself. 

Planning for every conceivable eventuality, or finding it hard to plan at all. 

Being harsher to yourself than you’d ever be to a friend. 

Feeling guilty if you do something just for you. 

Being so productive that you rarely stop.

Finding it impossible to make a decision, or second-guessing the decisions you do make.

These things might have been happening for so long that you hardly notice any more, or it just feels part of your personality. 

In therapy, we’ll take notice of the role you’ve learned to play and explore the beliefs that have nudged you into it. This will give you the opportunity to make different choices.

Although I draw on a number of different approaches to suit each person I work with, my core training is in transactional analysis (TA).

In our sessions, I might suggest some creative ways to tune into how you’re feeling. This could be using picture cards, interesting objects, or a sand tray - though it’s completely up to you what you try.

I’ll also regularly check in with you to see how you feel the therapy is going, so we can refocus or make a change if we need to.